The Big Picture

During the divorce process, important decisions are made under highly emotional circumstances.  Whether you’ve been married only a short time or for decades, the dynamics of your life will change.  Keep in mind, every divorce is different. Important issues in one divorce proceeding might be completely irrelevant in another.  Realize that you have choices throughout the process.  In order to make the right decisions for you and your family, it is important to prioritize.  Really think about what is worth standing up for, what is worth letting go of, and which issues you are willing to compromise on.

Think of your divorce as a negotiation process, not a war. Unfortunately, while you are caught up in the midst of these negotiations, it is often difficult to detach from emotionally driven decisions. This is where a divorce coach can aid you by keeping you focused on the big picture, helping you clarify and prioritize your concerns, and supporting you to keep your emotions under control.

Once you have established your preliminary concerns pertaining to your divorce settlement, take the time to carefully review them.  Then ask yourself, will these terms still make sense in one year from now? How about in five years? Ten years?

Remember, the position you are currently in and the emotions you are feeling at this moment will inevitably change with the passage of time.  What seems so crucial to you now, may seem unimportant in the future.  Try to take a step back from the process and view it from different perspectives.  For example, the thought of having to move from your marital home might initially seem out of the question, especially if you have young children and are rooted in your neighborhood and community.  Fast forward two years and you may be faced with the realization that economically it may have been a poor decision to stay in the home. Or perhaps you’ll realize that all the upkeep for the house is just too much work.  Fast forward another five years, and the kids are off to college and the scenario changes once again.  We can’t predict the future, but when determining what’s important in your divorce settlement it can be extremely helpful to think beyond your present emotional and financial state.